


Reassurance

by Oliver__Niko



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bondage, Friendship, Insecurity, Light Bondage, M/M, Non-Explicit, Romance, Shibari, sex advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 15:03:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20762309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver__Niko/pseuds/Oliver__Niko
Summary: Yuuri has been insecure over his and Victor's relationship, specifically with their sex life. He decides to speak to his best friend in order to get some advice.//For YOI Shibari Zine





	Reassurance

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my written piece for the shibari zine! I've also painted something which you can find on my NSFW Twitter, nikobynight.
> 
> Enjoy!

Even now he and Victor are newly weds, Yuuri still struggles to grasp how they have ended up together.

A relationship with his idol is not what Yuuri has always dreamed about. Yuuri is enchanted by him, yes. The beautiful, flawless dance across the ice, a perfect representation of how graceful this sport is. Yuuri watched that man and instantly fell in love with his movements. Somewhere along the way, perhaps only when he met Victor himself, did Yuuri realise that this love transcended above mere admiration. It is only then that Yuuri realised he loves Victor himself.

It all seems unreal. It is the kind of story which you’d expect to see in a movie or a book, where you chuckle to yourself, thinking about how there is no way this would happen in reality.

Only for Yuuri, it did. And for someone who has been insecure his entire life already, sometimes it is hard to feel positive about this disbelief. Sometimes it brings anxiety instead.

His doubts over their relationship seem to arrive at the oddest moments. Anxiety is never predictable and easy to control, after all. Such as now, as he gathers groceries for him and Victor, the latter soon to be on his way back from Russia where he has visited his friends. One moment, Yuuri is simply glancing at his shopping list as he pushes the trolley down the aisle. The next, he is holding a loaf of bread in his hand and wondering if he is good enough.

Ugh. It’s all so silly. He wishes that he could simply appreciate what he has and throw away these insecurities, for Victor makes it clear how much he adores Yuuri. In fact, Victor often says about how _he _struggles to comprehend how Yuuri fell in love with him, despite how bizarre Yuuri thinks this is. Who wouldn’t fall in love with Victor?

So deep down, Yuuri truly does know he is loved. Victor would never have married him otherwise, the two moving in together abroad in order for this to be legal. And yet … perhaps some of his insecurities _aren’t _just mere worries. Perhaps he really is doing certain things wrong.

‘_It was probably nothing,’ _Yuuri tries to think to himself as he places some frozen meat into the trolley. _‘I mean, I’m not always in the mood either. But it’s been happening more often lately.’_

Despite all of Victor’s reassurances, Yuuri thinks he is simply being considerate and truly does have a problem with Yuuri. Be it with how he is in bed, the fact that he has gained a little weight recently … He isn’t sure. But he is convinced that Victor’s drop in interest is because of him.

“_Sorry, Yuuri, can we leave it tonight?” he says, running his hands gently down Yuuri’s arms, who is settled in his lap. “I’m tired, and I want to sleep for my journey.”_

_Yuuri smiles and nods, running his thumb over Victor’s cheek. “That’s more than fine. I only thought that you might have wanted this before you go, there wasn’t an obligation or anything.”_

“_Simply spending time with you before I go is enough.”_

Yuuri feels guilty over feeling anxious. After all, Victor has been as caring and gentle as ever. He is not getting any younger, his stamina not as strong as Yuuri’s, so the latter is more than happy for their sex life to be a little less active these days. He has always cared for romance more anyway. And yet … when he remembers how much he used to seduce Victor on the ice, he cannot help but worry that he has lost that appeal completely.

He wants to excite Victor just as much as he excites Yuuri.

* * *

Shifting the handles of his shopping bags to his arms, Yuuri manages to open the door with his elbow. Exhaling heavily, he pushes himself inside, kicking the door shut behind him.

As he steps out into the hallway, he hears footsteps from up the stairs. A figure jogs down, Yuuri smiling at the face of Phichit, who grins and hurries over to help him with the bags.

“Thanks,” says Yuuri, the two now walking over to the kitchen. “Did you finish your Skype call, then?”

“Yeah! Sorry about not being able to come help you out with the shopping.”

With Victor staying in Russia for a small while, Yuuri and Phichit agreed that it would be a good time for them to catch up as well, especially with how their lives often keep them too busy to see each other. As soon as Yuuri and Victor made the suggestion, Phichit had enthusiastically began looking up flight tickets. Staying with Yuuri has made both feel young again. Everything feels exactly how it had been when they first became friends, where Phichit would constantly tease Yuuri about his not-crush on Victor.

It really is no wonder that Phichit seems to be the most enthusiastic of all about their marriage. Throughout all of Victor and Yuuri’s relationship, he has not once stopped being supportive.

The two begin to put the groceries away in the kitchen. Perhaps Yuuri has gone slightly overboard with making sure there is enough in for when Victor comes home … His stay in Russia has been the first time the two have separated for more than a weekend since they married, so naturally, Yuuri _may _have turned to overkill when it comes to preparing for Victor’s return.

“You know, this really is a great place you both got for yourselves!” says Phichit, straightening himself up after placing vegetables in the bottom of the fridge. His eyes scan the kitchen, which is beautifully decorated with black cabinets and white tabletops. “Pictures don’t do it justice. Have you enjoyed living here?”

Yuuri smiles and nods, closing two cupboard doors. “Definitely. It’s different to my home in Japan, naturally, but I like that change. There’s pieces of both Victor and I in here. Especially …”

His thoughts drift as he pictures their bedroom, as it so commonly does for a person with anxiety. The pause doesn’t go unnoticed, making Phichit glance at him curiously. The last thing Yuuri wants is for him to be questioned about _this. _He clears his throat, deciding on an abrupt change of subject.

“What do you want for dinner, then?” Yuuri asks. Phichit hums, pretending to look through the groceries they have just put into the fridge.

“I mean, we have both been busy today …”

“Phichit, no.”

“Let’s order a pizza!”

Yuuri lets out a sigh, shaking his head. “Really? I’ve just come home with all these groceries. And you know how easily I put on weight.”

“Come on, one single pizza isn’t going to make you put on pounds! I know you want one …”

He tries to deny that statement, yet knows that he would be lying if he did so. He cannot help but chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. “Fine, you win. But only because this has been the only time we’ve ordered food instead of make something since you got here.”

“Whatever makes you feel better,” Phichit says cheerily, grinning at Yuuri. He has already opened up an app to order their pizzas; he has no need to ask Yuuri what he wants, already knowing him so well.

Understanding Yuuri so much isn’t merely with the food he likes. Phichit also understands Yuuri’s words and his mannerisms perfectly too, and he seems as though he is not quite ready to let their previous conversation drop. “So what were you going to say before? You seemed like you drifted off a bit.”

Letting out an awkward laugh, Yuuri plants his gaze on the worktop beneath him. “I, uh, I was just going to mention our bedroom. Victor and I’s, I mean. I guess I forgot what I was going to say.”

“Hmm.” Phichit looks at Yuuri knowingly; it is obvious that Yuuri isn’t saying the full truth. “What’s so awkward about mentioning your bedroom? Unless that made you think of something else …”

“It really doesn’t matter.” Yuuri rubs the back of his neck, which he feels is heating up; a blush seems to be forming on his face and steadily trailing down the skin on his neck. He sighs as Phichit edges a little closer. “What is it?”

“I think something’s up,” he says, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand.

“Do you, now?”

“Yep. Something going on in your private time?” Phichit laughs lightly as he watches Yuuri’s blush deepen. “Yeah, I was right! Is something wrong?”

“No.” Yuuri rolls his eyes when he sees Phichit raise his eyebrow. “Well, yes, maybe. I guess so. I don’t know …”

“Want to talk about it with me?” asks Phichit. He is now straightening himself up, his tone growing more serious to show that he truly is looking out for Yuuri, rather than simply making a joke about all of this. Yuuri hesitates rather than say no―he and Phichit talk about everything, after all, Victor aware of this.

Phichit is the perfect friend to go to when you’re in need of reassurance, and with him, it truly feels as though you don’t need to put up any walls around him.

“I mean, maybe I’m overthinking, but I feel like Victor might be … bored, of what we do together. Sexually, I mean.”

“A-ha!” says Phichit, seeming to have guessed that this is what was playing on Yuuri’s mind.

“Is it obvious? Do I really seem that bad?!”

Phichit gesticulates wildly with his hands. “Nah, nothing like that! Don’t worry! It’s just the kind of thing that you would feel anxious about, that’s all. I take it that you feel like you can’t appeal to him like he does to you.”

“Yeah, something like that.” Though nerves over speaking about this grip Yuuri’s chest, as well as undeniable embarrassment, he finds that now he has started discussing this, he feels relatively less anxious already about bringing it up. Even if Phichit may tease in a good natured fashion, he would never mock any of Yuuri’s doubts and insecurities. “Victor has been saying no a lot recently. W-Which is fine, obviously! I never expect him to say yes every time or anything and I know that as he gets older, he has less of a … inclination to that, I guess. But I just …”

“You’re worried it’s because of you?” says Phichit. Yuuri nods.

“Yeah. He always says he’s tired or something. And sometimes he _definitely _does seem too tired, and I’m not saying that he lies about this every time or anything. I think he just uses that excuse instead of saying how he feels. Like he’s grown tired of me.”

Saying the words aloud causes Yuuri to swallow, insecurities beginning to consume him. Phichit notices this change right away, reaching over to place his hand over the back of Yuuri’s.

“Victor is crazy about you,” says Phichit reassuringly, his voice notably gentler. “I doubt he could ever grow tired of you, otherwise he wouldn’t have married you in the first place.”

“I hope that’s the case. I do wonder if it’s because … Well, I’m not really adventurous, I guess. It’s always the same kind of thing. I’m always too nervous or anxious about myself to think of anything new and exciting for us.”

“You want to spice things up, basically?” asks Phichit, laughing at the way Yuuri sighs.

“I mean, that makes us sounds far younger than we are, but … yeah. I think so? Victor has always seemed that little more sexual to me; I mean, he was the one who encouraged me to find that more mature side to myself, after all. So I think that he might want to try something different, yet hasn’t suggested anything because he doesn’t want to say anything that I might find uncomfortable.”

“And that’s where you come in, with telling him yourself what you guys can do,” says Phichit, leaning back against the counter. As though their conversation is far more casual than discussing Yuuri’s sex life, Phichit is on his phone again to finally finish the order for their pizzas. “Do you have anything in mind to suggest?”

“W-Well, I don’t really know …”

“Really? Because you seem like you do to me,” says Phichit. The teasing tone in his voice is so light and reassuring that Yuuri cannot help but smile.

“I guess … I guess I’ve thought about it a little. And I’ve looked online for advice and stuff, because I don’t feel comfortable much myself on this topic.”

“Did anything catch your eye?”

Yuuri nods slowly. He feels heat return to his face as he recalls the articles he has browsed and studied, how a number seem to have had the same suggestion. One which does admittedly appeal to Yuuri, even if he himself has always thought he is innocent; away from his Eros routine on the ice, at least.

He has speculated whether or not he should ask Victor over if the two should experiment. The part of him less ashamed of his arousal says yes, yet Yuuri’s anxiety has certainly not allowed it.

“W-Well, when it comes to ‘spicing things up’ like you said, a common theme was … U-Uh, bondage. Like restraining and stuff? I saw some really intense stuff but like, I was thinking if we started off a bit light maybe? Ah, I don’t know if this makes me seem weird―”

“You don’t seem weird at all!” Phichit exclaims reassuringly. “Loads of people like to at least _try _this out. I’ve done it myself.”

Yuuri blinks at him. “R-Really?”

“Yeah! It’s way more common than you might think. Sometimes bondage can even be non sexual; it can be therapeutic for some people. I’ve heard that’s pretty common with shibari.”

“Shibari?”

“Yeah, hold on …”

Is Phichit really about to go onto Google Images or something to get a picture up? The thought makes Yuuri feel even _more _awkward than he already does, but then again, he cannot deny his curiosity.

“There we go! It’s stuff like this. Usually more intricate than general bondage; it’s an art form in itself.”

“Whoa,” says Yuuri, staring at the photo that Phichit has brought up. He finds that he barely feels any shame at all inspecting the picture; he is so impressed by how intricate and beautiful the tying is that he has no room to be embarrassed as well. “That’s actually beautiful in its own way.”

“Isn’t it? So you think you might be interested in this stuff?”

Yuuri nods. “I don’t know if I have the confidence to tie Victor up, but maybe …”

“You could suggest him to do that to you?” Phichit questions with a grin, receiving a nod. “It’s completely okay to want that instead. Maybe one day you’ll want to do it yourself, maybe you won’t. Everyone’s different! And even if you two _do _attempt giving this a try and you find you don’t like it, that’s fine too. I’m sure Victor would understand even if he wants this himself.”

Smiling, Yuuri nods again. “Thank you, Phichit. I thought it’d be way too awkward talking about this stuff, but this has actually helped a lot. I’m not sure how to bring it up to him, though.”

“Just be honest! You both have a great bond and you’re always open to each other. This shouldn’t be any different.”

“You’re right,” Yuuri agrees. “Okay, I will. Thank you again.”

“That’s what friends are for, right? Now, those pizzas … They better arrive here soon, I’m starving.”

Yuuri cannot help but laugh over how quickly and casually Phichit changes the subject. But perhaps that is how this should be; sex itself is far from sinful and impure, as much as one who is innocent might believe otherwise. It is a natural, beautiful thing, even if not for everyone, where two people are joined together in the height of physical intimacy. It is never wrong to talk about it and try to work through issues in regards to it.

Kinks work in the same way, Yuuri is seeing now, with the way Phichit goes to get their pizzas as the doorbell rings and is treating Yuuri how he would after any other conversation. They may seem peculiar to some. Many might wish to remain vanilla their whole lives, which of course, there is nothing wrong with. But this doesn’t mean that someone is dirty or wrong for wanting something different. And exactly how it is with intercourse itself, there really is nothing shameful about discussing it.

He is more than happy that he has done so with Phichit today.

* * *

Delicate candlelight illuminates the otherwise dark room in a faint orange glow. Curtains drawn so no one can see their personal acts of love, Victor and Yuuri kiss slowly yet deeply on the covers of their bed, the latter sat in the other’s lap. His soft moan is absorbed by Victor’s lips as he is pulled that little closer. Their crotches press against one another, Victor’s fingers treading lightly underneath the band of Yuuri’s underwear.

Victor’s lack of motivation for intimacy is not prevalent today. It seems as though his time away has given him some time to either reflect on his and Yuuri’s relationship, or at the very least increase his desire to touch the other.

It almost convinces Yuuri that he does not need to speak to Victor about his troubles after all. Yet he knows that this night could simply be an oddity among the rest, and even if it wasn’t, he and Victor are continuously honest with each other. They vowed to be so as they married. Heaven forbid that one day, they would wish to leave each other, but if that day truly has to arrive, they would at least not wish for it to be because they have been dishonest.

“Victor,” says Yuuri, gently backing from the kiss.

“Mm? You want something?” Victor says, a hint of teasing to his tone. Yuuri sighs as his husband’s lips find his neck, melting into the deep kiss placed onto it, although Yuuri has to resist―for now. His hands rest on Victor’s shoulders to gently push the other one back. This action causes Victor to blink curiously, now paying full attention to what Yuuri might have to say.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he says. “About us.”

Victor pauses for a moment. His fingers still traces lines over Yuuri’s skin gently, without thought, a sign that he simply cannot bring himself away from Yuuri even when he is deep in thought. This action brings warmth to Yuuri’s chest.

“Did I do something?” asks Victor. Yuuri shakes his head.

“I mean, it’s about something that’s been going on, but you didn’t do anything in particular. At all.” Yuuri is silent for a moment, wondering how to put his thoughts into words. He is glad that his cheeks are already a little flushed from their kissing; he hopes that they do not deepen any further. “I feel like you haven’t really been into me as much lately. I mean, not including now, obviously. I’m always okay with you saying no to sex. But I also want to make sure I’ve not done anything or that you’re not … well, no longer attracted to me or something, now I’ve put on a bit of weight.”

Yuuri can feel his heart beat harder from this confession. Simultaneously, however, he feels a sense of relief in finally saying this. Especially when, after inspecting his face for a few moments, Victor takes Yuuri into a hug, tight enough to make Yuuri not react initially from surprise.

“Yuuri, I will _never _not be attracted to you. Your weight doesn’t make the slightest difference to how I feel about you. How could it, when I adore cuddling you even more?” Yuuri smiles from this, hugging Victor back at last. Victor brings him as close as he can manage. “You don’t have to worry about that. You’ve not done anything wrong at all. I just …”

“Don’t tell me that you’ve been feeling insecure too?” Yuuri says, his mind immediately going to the receding hairline Victor worries so much about. Victor chuckles lightly and shakes his head.

“No. Not in this way, at least. How can I, when I’m this beautiful?”

“All right, all right, don’t play yourself up too much, now,” Yuuri teases. He backs from Victor gently, his fingers running down Victor’s face. “So in what way, then?”

Victor sighs, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’ve kind of … Well, I promise I’ve not got bored of what we do or anything like that. I always enjoy being with you. I’ve just wanted to try out something new with you. But I’ve never wanted to bring it up and make you uncomfortable.”

With a shake of his head, Yuuri says, “You’d never do that. And I uh, I was going to suggest trying something new, actually … But what did you have in mind?”

A faint blush creeps to Victor’s cheeks. “Well, to be honest, I … Uh, well, I’ve thought about how I’d like to try … bondage, with you. I know that you might find that creepy and I completely―wait, why are you laughing?”

“We’re a right pair, aren’t we?” says Yuuri in between his laughs. “I actually … I might have gone to Phichit for advice to speak to you. And he recommended shibari.”

“Seriously?” says Victor, before laughing himself. “Shibari, huh? I’ve looked into that before. And maybe imagined how beautiful you’d look in it.”

Victor smirks at the way Yuuri blushes, as the latter says, “W-Well, I’m glad we’re uh, on the same page. I actually bought some rope in case we ended up wanting to try anything today. It’s suitable for bondage, don’t worry.”

“There’s nothing like being prepared, is there?” Victor says, chuckling. “What if I said no?”

“Then I’d throw it away and pretend the thought never crossed my mind.”

“Of course you would.” Victor’s hand returns to Yuuri’s face, gently brushing away the slightly overgrown hair. “Are you sure, though? We could start off with something simpler, like a scarf or something.”

“I’ve thought about it, and I think as long as we’re not going too crazy, I’ll be okay. I feel like the longer tying process might help to calm me down, actually. And we can still take it slow.”

Victor nods in understanding. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to Yuuri’s temple. “Let me know if you need us to stop at any moment.”

With a safe word now in place in case Yuuri requires it, Victor is soon taking out the rope Yuuri has stored away. The colour is a vibrant red, far bolder than Victor might have expected from his husband―then again, Yuuri deciding that he wants to experiment with bondage is audacious enough in itself. Yuuri never fails to keep on surprising him.

Victor’s fingertips feel the softness of the ropes. He is soon asking Yuuri to turn around. Although his voice is still soft and reassuring, there is still a subtle edge to it that hadn’t existed there previously. It is a voice which urges Yuuri to obey every move.

The fact that Victor has been similarly interested in this experiment and has done his research shows. Silently, he begins to loop the rope around each of Yuuri’s wrists. After being bound individually, Victor cinches them together. He pauses when he notices Yuuri’s breath hitch.

“All right?” he asks. Yuuri nods, exhaling deeply.

“I think … I think I might be more exhilarated than anything.”

The words bring a smirk to Victor’s face. He presses a kiss down on Yuuri’s neck as he continues working the rope up Yuuri’s arms. “Tell me at any point if you need to stop.”

“Of course.”

Victor’s steady motions help to calm Yuuri’s heart in the process. He takes the tying one step at a time, his slow pace both assisting with nerves and also allowing anticipation to rise. Yuuri can sense the appreciation Victor has for this right through his fingertips.

The further Yuuri is restrained, the more every single touch becomes electrifying.

Victor is soon to move on from Yuuri’s arms. When he receives a nod of approval, he begins to encase Yuuri’s chest in the same rope. Yuuri realises it is more for decoration above all else. Now Victor is in front of him, Yuuri can watch how intensely Victor’s eyes view his handiwork, the way his eyebrows furrow in concentration.

And the tiniest of smirks, proof of his enjoyment, evident on his face.

“There we are,” says Victor as he places the rope to one side. His fingers trace over the rope on Yuuri’s chest. “How is that? Are you still fine?”

Yuuri nods. “It feels comfortable.”

“And you like it?”

“I do.”

“That’s good,” says Victor, lifting Yuuri’s face up by his chin, Victor’s smile sending a chill down his lover’s spine. “Because I do too. You look beautiful.”

“If that’s the case,” says Yuuri, his smile taunting, “why not hurry up and take advantage?”

The forward words cause Victor to blink, although he recovers quickly. Without a word, he is leaning in for a kiss. His hands trail across Yuuri’s waist. They stroke across his lower back beneath his bound arms, reaching for his backside. A soft moan is swallowed by Victor’s tongue as his hands squeeze.

Their sex life will certainly not be boring yet.


End file.
